It was 6:30 pm on Friday. The house was silent and still; I was only a wide -eyed French.
Estanger, she jumped up and down as I told her: “We have the entire house for ourselves throughout the week.”
Then I poured a rare cup of roses and appeared on Netflix.
I just helped my husband in our children’s package, wear pajamas, in the car and kiss them goodbye because they all set out on a four -hour trip to the grandmother.
The rest of my family was far away for 10 days.
Sitting on the sofa was below five or three old climbing on my bosom – and not having to multiple tasks by folding washing while responding to emails – a blessing. I had space for Comfort with zero guilt.
As any mother or my father knows, paternity and motherhood can be uncompromising. In addition, my husband and I managed our own business, so there was no actual “vacation day”.
yet.
Phil and I have built a system that allows us both to take periods of rest from the family and focus on our work, as well as our friendships, creativity and joy. It is normal for one of us to disappear – for one day, weekend, or even a week or two – leaving the other alone.
During these breaks, I escaped from spa hotels and rural bars (wherever I can find a deal at the last minute) to be a time without interruption to creativity.
I even managed to sneak into France or Spain alone once or twice during half the time, while children spend everything on their ancestors and husband at work. At least once a year (usually for a birthday), we make sure to infiltrate together.
Time sculpture alone to focus on who we are outside my mom and my father is a major part of the Phil and I approach to paternity and motherhood in general.
As much as I dreamed of being the father who makes good health, performing chaotic art projects and bringing children in wild picnics, I also wanted a successful and satisfactory profession.
Fortunately, you have found that you could have both – I just need to devote a time allocated to each of them, separately.
During Covid, when my children were really young without the chances of caring for children, I tried to reconcile children and work at the same time.
It was terrible. I found myself patience with them because I was always trying to finish something at work, and it took everything longer because simple tasks were extending over full days between meals, playing time and diaper changes.
Everything changed for the best when I decided an elephant and I just divided the days into half: one of us did 8-1 while the other watched the children, then we turn.
Each of us made a five -hour concentrated day a big difference in our productivity, stress levels, and joy. When our role is with children, we can be completely present and free of stress.
We have learned very quickly that the need to put space for joy as a father is the same as it is with entrepreneurship, so we immediately started to build a life where we get the time and space for work, friends, travel and fitness. After five years of experience and error, we are really good.
But the more parents I know, the more unconventional our life method. Parents seem to give the priority of their needs because individuals are not a very common practice, which is something that I started noticing during pregnancy.
As an expected illiterate in the UK, I noticed an upcoming narration from many sources that should be a good mother, who should bear everything that it takes, regardless of the personal cost.
Perhaps this is part of the reason that according to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 1 out of every 5 women will witness a mental health condition during pregnancy or in their first year after birth.
Women should not be simply accepted to accept a fixed state of tension and sacrifice as a result of having children – they are harsh, and do not serve anyone.
As mothers, I think we are often our worst enemy, and we are struggling to seek help and we are vulnerable to exceeding self -care because they feel “selfish”.
Personally, although I definitely got my share of guilt, I am improving in asking what I need, and I was always comfortable in the face of what society expects from me. Now that I am in my 1940s, I am fine with people who are thinking that I am selfish, because I know that the way we do things is a great benefit for my family, my marriage and my mental health.
In addition, I want my daughters to grow with a happy, healthy, sick and vibrant mother, with parents who fully design life, with joy in the center.
A really important part of this equation is their father. My husband is amazing and participating. It is often better and the father is more enjoyable. I didn’t have a departure guilt because I knew that girls would get a ball.
Of course, I miss them when I go away, but frankly life with two children less than the fifth is very feverish, to the point that I have not yet long enough to feel full healing when I go back.
When I get a space for creative practice, whether it is writing or directing pictures, I feel fresh. Usually I get a good sleep at night and slowly eating delicious emerging meals as I want.
I get a little glimpses of my life in front of the children, where time felt more unlimited, which is delighted.
I discuss many of these ideas about personal growth, self -care and the “balance between work and life” on podcast, Joy First.
In that, I help business owners, parents operating, and integrate work and perfection to overcome the clutches of decisions based on fear and anxiety about what others believe.
I offer practical and low risk ways to start trying to find joy, choice and share it every day, in a way that does not add to your list of tasks.
But I do not say in any way that choosing to live with the joy of the first way means that there is never a conflict. Since my husband and husband work for their own account, life may be difficult and sometimes predictable. When we face stressful moments at the same time, we only have to turn into a survival mode.
But this forced us to develop a great rhythm of giving and taking. It is really good to have support, but also to be able to provide it without resentment or martyrdom. The flexibility that we created allows us to reach what appears to be a truly balanced approach to parental and real partnership.
These days, we definitely feel that we live a kind of “pirate” life … it is very good to believe it is real.
But it is not an accident. You may not leave your children at home while you are Jet all over the world may not be traditional, but my husband and I (supported by our families) worked hard to create this reality together, and we are really grateful to her (almost).
Do you have a story you want to share? Connect via email Je*********@me***.uk.
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